The Mentalist: Epic Moments
Requested by Xuening.
Lisbon, to Jane: “I will deal with you in a minute.”
“It seemed like a smart idea at the time!”
“I couldn’t imagine you living in an actual house.”
So what did you imagine?
“I don’t know, a burrow by a river bank, perhaps.”
(Jane to LaRoche)
“She’s fine, for a shot woman!”
“This, this is the speeding ticket I refuse to pay.”
“I’ll get Bertram to pay it.”
“I would like to pay this speeding ticket, but under protest.”
“No one pays any other way.”
Lisbon: “You gotta admit, she knows her stuff.”
Jane: “I admit nothing. She’s offering a puffin.”
“And they’re going to come in, and it’ll get all shooty.” – Jane
(As he and a group of others are taken hostage by a gun-toting man Jane spots squad cars outside)
“Oh good, more guns.”
Cho (to Rigsby): Three hours of silence, then burning sarcasm. It’s like we’re married.
(After seeing Van Pelt go off for a lunch date while Rigsby and Cho are on duty)
Cho: It’s okay. We’ll stop for bagels.
Jane: Ladies and gentlemen, quick announcement. I’d like you to give a very warm welcome to Walter’s new girlfriend, number 1, Teresa Lisbon!
(everyone cheers and fusses over Lisbon)
Lisbon: (mumbling) I am gonna kill him.
Jane, while lying on his couch: “Maybe someone moved my couch…Cho, did you move my couch?”
Cho: “No. Why would I?”
Jane (to janitor): “Excuse me… did you move the couch?”
Cho: So what’re you going to do?
Lisbon: (frowns) I’m thinking.
Lisbon: Where is everyone?
Van Pelt: Weird, they all called in to sign out. Jane wasn’t feeling well, Rigsby’s got a hot date and Cho got Kings tickets.
Lisbon: Son of a-
Van Pelt: …What?
Lisbon: Jane doesn’t get sick, Rigsby’s not on a date because he’s in love with you and the Kings aren’t playing tonight.
Van Pelt: You know about that?
Lisbon: Yeah, they’re on the East Coast road trip, playing the Knicks tomorrow night.
Van Pelt: No, about Rigsby. How do you know about that?
Lisbon: Everybody knows that. The Attorney-General knows that.
Van Pelt: …I’m so embarrassed.
Lisbon: Any money go missing lately?
Playland owner: Nope. And I keep tabs, trust me.
Jane: And why should we trust you?
Playland owner: It’s just a phrase, like “you know”.
Jane: What do I know?
Playland owner: No. You don’t know anything I’m saying it’s just a thing to say.
Jane: Oh, it’s a figure of speech.
Playland owner: Right.
Jane: So we shouldn’t trust you, really.
Playland owner: Yea. No, you should!
Kid: Yeah, screw the cops.
Jane: Even for a midget villain like yourself, that’s an untenable position. Every modern society has some kind of police force. It’s like saying, screw the public transport system.
Jane: You think you have a certain charm about you, and you do, but you live by oppression. In reality you’re just a greedy, twisted little sadist.
Sonny Battaglia: Hey, screw you blondie. You’re lucky you helped me beat Arnold Palmer here or I’d plug you right now. To hell with the witnesses.
Jane: I’m not saying you knew about the affair, I’m just saying that if you did, you’d be our prime suspect. Funny when your best defense is your apparent lack of the most basic detective skills.
Marshal Exley: You little son of a bitch. -advances towards Jane-
Jane: I’m sorry. I’m just thinking aloud. No offense.
Marshal Exley: Yeah, right. No offense.
Jane: None taken.
As Jane is sleeping on his couch, Lisbon walks up to it and says, “Jane.”
Jane replies, “Oh, hey Lisbon. I imagine you want me to hypnotise you now.”
Jane: You really think that I would forget your birthday present? (Lisbon nods.) It’s on its way!
Lisbon: Yeah, right!
Jane: A little grumpy because Daddy didn’t buy you a pony?
Jane tries to be his own lawyer and defend himself on the charges of tweaking a prosecutor’s nose. To judge: “You’re out of order! You’re out of order! This whole trial is out of order!”
“Do you play lacrosse?”
Jane: “No! Fast moving sticks scare me.”
As Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt stand around in near a merry-go-round, waiting to arrest a suspect, Cho goes, “Yeah, I don’t get zoos. You pay money to look at animals. Why.”
Van Pelt gets a phone call, but the other side is speaking in Spanish, so she passes it to Rigby, telling him, “It’s probably the federales… Something about Jane and a goat?”
Melba: These people will be leaving now.
Jane: Oh, I like the way you said that, Melba-like-the-toast, so tough and commanding but let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement and we leave when we wanna leave.
Lisbon: Thank you for your time. -helpless look-
Jane: (points) SHE wants to leave.
After getting them both locked up in a container, Jane goes, “At least I was right about Annabelle.”